I wrote this short story back in 2000 and never published it anywhere.. I think it’s pretty funny, making fun of the whole “Dot-Com” scene.. Here’s the story:

“I’m an Internet Guy” by Jonah Brucker-Cohen, 2000.

I’m an “Internet Guy”, I believe in the long boom, the inpenetrable bubble, hot stocks, net lingo, web surfing, and e-commerce. I guess you could say I’m one of the “digirati” a new breed, the kind of man who will only take out the trash if I can sync my chores to my Palm Pilot. The Net’s like a huge “force”, like an asteroid hurtling through space, destroying all old media in its path, taking no prisoners. I use the web for conveinience: I can pay my bills, rent my movies, order my gifts, and books, play the stock market, enter the lottery, organize my daily routine, check out listings, weather, sports, and more.

You see, I don’t know what I’d do without the “Net” and I forget the time before it. The Web, Internet, whatever you want to call it has opened my eyes to new horizons and possibilities. I love to “Interact”. You click here, there, everywhere, there’s a link and the pages magically appear. I don’t know anything about “commerce” but when it comes to “e-commerce” I know all the tricks of the trade.

I love shopping carts. They are so convenient and they even let you really “shop” like you are at a store. PC’s are fast, I don’t know much about Macs, but I’ve heard they’re “cute”. I can do my bills, answer emails, get pictures, I can even do my taxes online. To me the Internet is everything because it’s all about convenience. You can make your company logo move, like rotate in 3D and be on fire with “real flames” and you can find out how many hits your site has gotten.

It’s pretty remarkable. I’m an “Internet Guy”, yes that’s right.